On the Road

Eight years ago, I began working with a woman named "Melanie" - a pretty amazing woman who happened to have Autism and Down Syndrome.  Melanie taught me so much over the years - about patience, pain, the power of communication, friendship. . .. but the most powerful thing Melanie ever taught me (and it's a lesson I'm only just understanding fully 8 years later) was a lesson in looking at life through a lens of love. 

Two years after working with Melanie, she began to self-abuse - a sign that she was experiencing some sort of pain she was unable to communicate with us.  Doctors, therapists, behavior specialists and her mom were unable to define the source of her anguish, and so day after day, Melanie continued to hurt herself.  Watching her harm her body, seeing her sadness at not being able to communicate with us, and not being able to do anything about it was very emotionally draining. I wanted answers!  "How can I fix this? Why can't I help her?  Why is there so much pain!"

Melanie's mother - a deeply spiritual woman - recognized the staff's struggles and frustration.  She called a meeting, and invited a therapist to come and work with us.  I was expecting - DEMANDING - answers!   

Instead the woman pulled out a pair of glasses with heart stickers covering the lenses.  She said to us, "When Melanie self abuses, there is nothing you can do about it.  When this happens you feel sad, angry, frustrated, out of control and unable to help.  Melanie can feel your emotions.  When she is in this turmoil, she doesn't need you to be anxious.  She needs to know that you love her.  That you are calm, and you are there for her."  

She passed around these heart glasses and told us that when Melanie is in pain, that we should put on these glasses.  They would be a reminder to see Melanie with our love, and Melanie in turn would see the love coming out of our eyes, and know that we are there for her. 

Six years ago, those glasses infuriated me.  When Melanie is gouging her face, a pair of glasses is not going to patch up her scars.  This was not the tangeable answer I wanted!  I tried those glasses on in the meeting, had a good laugh with my co-workers about the ridiculous fix that was given to our problems, and we stored the glasses in a drawer. 

.  . . . .

My good friend Kelly once told me that my biggest strength and greatest fault are the exact same - that I care deeply about everyone. The fault bit comes in when I take it upon my shoulders as my duty to "save" everyone.  I easily get buried underneath the sadness I see happening in the world - I feel a strong pull to help everyone, but get instantly overwhelmed because I know I can't. It can be so easy to focus on the sadness and sorrow in the world - especially if you ever watch the news.   

I recently watched an amazing documentary called "I Am."  In this, Tom Shadyac tells us that the simple way we greet someone with love can have a powerful ripple effect that can change the way they interact with others, and so on exponentially.  When we interact with love, we effect people's ability to effect change in the world. 

And so, I have come back to those silly heart glasses I once shoved in a drawer.  Those glasses are such a beautiful philosophy for life! Yes, there is pain and anger in the world. And yes, there are causes we need to fight for to make change. But on your journey - fighting for these causes, discovering who you are, navigating your place in life - you can make the choice to approach life, and the people you meet . . .. with love.    

"When you've opened to . . . .love, you are helping people you don't know and have never seen."  - Rumi.   The ripple effect is exciting, isn't it? 

And so. .. .here I am.  Headed out on a 4 month adventure with a backpack and some heart glasses. My intention is to See More Love in the world, focus on the joy, find inspiration.  I'm not entirely sure where I'm headed, who I will meet, or what I'm going to do.  But, like the Beattles tell me, all I need is love.